She was thinking just that, a night with cold beer and popcorn and a movie from any genre but horror. It would be a nice way to spend time together that was about the time and not finding food or deciding what the hell was going on and what to do about it.
"Maybe. If they can access everything from everywhere, they have some system for keeping the good stuff." And maybe it's colored by the hard time she had before coming here, but mindless action movies that make you laugh are certainly good stuff.
"Do you think they can get very specific things? Like," she pauses, as if considering, even though she knows exactly what she wants to say, "a picture?" She's trying hard to be casual here, not delve too far into the maudlin, since she's not entirely sure she's ready for that anyway. But just... in case.
Free time isn’t something they’re used to having. Daryl has been consistently terrible at filling it, particularly with anything approaching actual relaxation. At home there’s always something more to do, something they’re behind on. It’s a hard mindset to shake, particularly when the kinds of things he would have done a lifetime ago aren’t an option, or aren’t appealing anymore, or both.
Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing, if they could turn something up. A quiet, normal evening together, companionable and uncomplicated. Potentially. He’s not discounting the idea of complicating things, after all-- just at maybe a less frantic pace. Since he first saw her out there, flower in her hair, Daryl’s only been worried about Carol’s comfort level; he’s at least as anxious about scaring her off as she is of pushing too far with him, though he’s totally oblivious to the fact that she thinks he might bolt. If they never go any farther than this, he’ll be fine. But that doesn’t mean (he thinks) that he doesn’t want to. That he wouldn’t want to if she did. There’s more to living than survival. There’s room, here, there’s time.
He looks up at her, considering the question, so carefully vague. It’s always easier, not talking about things. They so rarely need to. His expression is soft, thinking (as he assumes she is) of Sophia.
“Don’t see why not,” he affirms. “Can’t hurt, askin’.”
Of course Sophia. It was easier to be without her back home because Sophia was too sweet to survive in that world. Here, she could have. (It would never occur to her to ask for Sophia to be brought here because she couldn't bear for her daughter to see how she is now. But a picture, that feels safe enough, something to remember other than a walker wearing Sophia's rainbow shirt getting its head blown off and landing akimbo in a pile of decaying corpses.)
Daryl's expression pulls her out of that unpleasant reverie and she smiles at him, both reassurance and gratitude. Daryl barely knew Sophia yet he worked harder to find her than anyone else, and did more to bring Carol back from the brink of giving up. She never did figure out exactly why, but it doesn't especially matter. He did so much -- does so much -- to make her okay when by all rights she shouldn't be, that's what's important.
"I'll think about it." She will. Just not right now. "Do you know what you're asking for next time?"
Going after Sophia, that had more to do with him, maybe, than with the girl herself. He was still mourning Merle's loss, and couldn't do a damn thing about it; throwing his lot in with Rick and his people had been halfway about survival, half a quiet gratitude for Rick's attempt to make things right. And beside that... Well, he's known men like Ed Peletier, he knows what comes of small-minded men with big egos. Sophia's life, brief as it was, he figures it can't have been an easy one, because he understood too much of the look in Carol's eyes. Back at the farm, when he'd fallen, when she'd come in to take care of him, she must've seen the scars tracing his back. He always figured she knew what it meant, what kind of life he'd led, him and Merle both. It's how things always just were, and none of them thinking they could deserve better.
Truth is he's always been half amazed that she never hated him for not doing enough, because a good man wouldn't have stood by and let that go on so long. Rick wouldn't have. Even Shane had beat Ed down, once, right before they had to run. He'd heard about it, seen the bruises on what was left of his face. Daryl had been... An outsider, a bystander. Uninvolved 'cos he and Merle weren't sticking around. He's not proud of that, of who he used to be, the things he used to believe. Carol was the first one to tell him he was a good man, and she'd said it enough to make him believe it, to work for it. Keeping her together kept him too busy to fall apart. Losing Sophia had been hard on him, too; not because he'd known her, but because of everything she represented, all the mistakes he couldn't fix.
Pictures sound nice, he thinks, for her sake, but he's not going to push the topic. He doesn't want to make her dwell more than she is.
"Mnn," he shakes his head. "Try to see what we need, when it happens."
Edited (Department of redundancy department, sorry!) 2014-10-16 21:01 (UTC)
Carol wasn't, unfortunately, at her most observant or considerate during their time on the farm. Daryl's efforts toward Sophia made her radar but little else about him, at the time. She's made a few assumptions since about the kind of life Daryl led, thought about why he's so hesitant to be close to people in whatever way (and for the same reason she never played the 'what did Daryl do before the world went to hell' game). For all she understands and accepts Daryl, there's a lot she doesn't know and sees no need to, unless he chooses to discuss it.
By the same token, Carol never expected anyone to save her from Ed, or blamed anyone for failing to. She could have done it herself, she knows that now; her life was threatened every day before the dead rose if not in exactly the same ways as after. It's not that she used to be weak, it's that she used to be afraid. That's part of why she is hesitant, still, to ask for Sophia's picture.
What Daryl did, and she wonders if she could ever articulate it properly, has nothing to do with whether he succeeded or failed in bringing Sophia home safe and everything to do with the hope he offered. While everyone else was either politely ignoring Carol's breakdown or actively lobbying to consider Sophia a lost cause, Daryl bothered to bring her a flower and a story. Two small things, seemingly meaningless when you look only at the outcome, but at the time it kept her going one more day. That was everything, because when the dust settled and there was no more Sophia to search for, it was knowing that there was still someone in the world to give a damn about (because he gave a damn about her on some level) that kept her wanting to bother at all. Rick searched and Shane beat up Ed and Lori tried in her way, but none of them came to Carol and tried to tell her it would be okay.
That's why she calls him a good man, always will. And here he is doing it again, thinking of everyone as a whole and what they need when he could be thinking about frivolous things like movies.
"The group is lucky to have you." She gently squeezes his shoulder. "I'm lucky to have you."
The soft sound he makes in response is the verbal equivalent of a squirm, brushing off the compliment like a kid trying to evade a hug. It's not that he disbelieves her, just, goin' all sappy like that, he doesn't know what to do with it. Especially with all the things they're not saying. With Sophia, it's hard to look back and see anything but how they failed her. There's nothing false about his modesty; he's useful, sure, but they all are. He doesn't do anything that any of them wouldn't.
"You keep me going," he mutters. Both the group and her, herself. It's a hard fact, it doesn't sound like he's gone soft 'til it's already out of his mouth, too late to take back if he wanted to.
Besides, it's not so magnanimous as that; he just wants very little for himself. The habit of not owning more than he can carry, not trusting any place to be safe, means he can't put much stock in stuff, frivolous or otherwise. Given the chance to think it through, he'd rather something for everyone. If that's part of what makes him a good man... all the better. He's never quite convinced it's true, but he's better every day than he used to be. That's enough. Something worth being proud of. She's been a big part of that; they all have. He's not kidding; without his people, he'd have no reason to carry on. Carol was the first real tie he had to them, the first one he felt responsible to, more than just an owed debt.
But, then, who knows what he'll say in the moment, asked what he wants?
Wants are difficult. Needs are easy; easy to establish, which makes them easier to meet. Goals to work toward. Wanting, that's nebulous and uncertain. As time goes on, as things stay relatively safe, it gets a little easier to relax, to think past the bare minimums. He's making an effort. (Case in point, right here.)
Unfortunately for him, she finds it cute when he's all embarrassed like that. Why else would she make the jokes she makes? (Well, other than perhaps a part of her genuinely being attracted to him, but she's more attracted to him as a person than otherwise which she finds so much more significant.)
She's about to say something to that effect when he murmurs his reply, melting what of her heart he hadn't already. Carol sees that effort. So as a reward she decides not to make him proverbially squirm any further by telling him more about how wonderful he is.
Instead: "It's damn sexy when you say things like that." Because it is, but more because joking with him feels normal and comfortable and like a different way of appreciating his words without being all mushy.
She is well aware this might also embarrass him in a way but his head is in her lap and she sidestepped that one, okay.
How's that not supposed to make him squirm? Keep sayin' things like that when he's got his head in your lap, Carol, and you'll make him think you like him.
He makes a face at her, a mock-scowl to cover his embarrassment, shifting to stretch out a bit more. He never knows how much of the joke is a joke, never quite knows what reaction she wants from him, but under the circumstances he thinks he gets a little leeway in questionably joking right back.
"Ain't you had enough of that today?" he drawls right back, raising an eyebrow and managing to sound suitably haughty, though decidedly teasing. After all that she doesn't get to flirt with impunity, okay.
She lifts an eyebrow of her own, since when does he flirt back? Carol can't decide whether she's more impressed with him or (mildly) upset that she's lost her go-to way to get that aforementioned squirming on demand.
"Now you've done it." She's half chuckling, half mock-scolding. "If I say no, you'll think I'm challenging you. And if I say yes..." she leans over him slightly, failing entirely at being serious, "you'll know I'm full of shit."
Carol playfully flicks his forehead for good measure, and to let him know that there's really no pressure or expectation or even request behind that. Just sitting here is as much as she could ever hope for and it's more than enough.
Twice today he kissed her, once of his own volition, and that second one wasn't even awful. That definitely qualifies him to flirt back. She shouldn't worry, though, because he's bound to keep squirming, when he's not in the catbird seat (lap) enjoying the spoils of his victory.
If she's full of shit saying nice things about him, he doesn't wanna know, anyway.
He makes a growly noise and swats vaguely at her hand, exactly as non-serious as she is. The point for letting him down gently is long since past, and she's been hanging onto him pretty hard. He doesn't trust easy, but he trusts her enough to think she wouldn't have taken just a joke so far.
He is right to trust her because she would never, ever, under any threat or circumstance joke about what just happened in the entryway. She's just doing what she does, what they do, because it's been so, so long since she could.
And of a similar vein, she'd never want to let him down, in any way.
Carol starts to say something, but before any bit of it can escape she loses the words in a wide yawn. Who would have thought kitchen duty would make her tired after all the running around and sleepless nights they used to have?
The biggest potential for disaster here, probably, is that they're both so eager to please that they're not worrying about what they want themselves. Nor do they know. At least, Daryl doesn't, but he's yet to run up against anything he doesn't, so that's... Promising. Maybe.
He's waiting for her standard witty retort (and resigning himself to the fact that she'll probably manage to make him squirm this time, because there's only so much he can manage), but instead he half-smirks at the yawn. Guess he tired her out, huh? (He doesn't say it, but you know, he's thinking it loudly.)
Instead, with a little grunt of effort, he hauls himself upright and sits properly on the couch, in the middle so he's still comfortably close, arms stretched along the back of it. Seems fair not to keep her pinned, if she's tired, if she's hit her limit on dealing with this. But he's still not running off.
Speaking of the spoils of victory, Carol takes full advantage of his new position to pull her feet onto the sofa and plop her head on his shoulder. Just as planned... not that the previous setup had been bad, of course.
"I feel like I haven't slept in years." Maybe she hasn't, between Ed's temper and raising a child and then the walkers, culminating in everything that happened since sickness broke out in the prison and then finding herself here and forced to explain it all.
Carol glances up at his face, tentative for the first time. "You mind?"
Offering up an escape route doesn't mean he wants her to take it, just that he wants her to have it.
And it's nice, yeah. He shifts just a bit, to throw his arm over her shoulder, settling into his spot since she looks like she plans to be there a while. Which is also nice, come to think of it. For all he cares if anyone comes in and finds them dozing in a heap, it doesn't matter one bit. That she's comfortable enough to let her guard down, that means something, he thinks something good.
She's had her guard up for so long that it's a relief to know she can let it drop, even if the wrong kind of sound will send her bolting upright. Take what you can get when you can get it, that's all any of them know anymore.
Carol shifts against him to get comfortable, cheek nestling in. "Don't eat all the cookies," she says, a drowsy afterthought. She doesn't so much care if he did, but she felt like she should say something, and any more tiptoeing around the obvious topic is too much a tightrope walk for her tired mind.
He thinks it's probably too much to hope for, that things will stay this comfortable and simple, but for the moment he intends to enjoy it. And yeah, he likely will drop off to sleep not long after her, because Daryl sleeps kind of terribly-- never for long, at odd hours-- but having her pressed against him is reassuring.
He doesn't answer, just leans his cheek against her forehead. Yeah, okay. They've had worse days than this.
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what_wings_dare2014-02-14 08:31 pm
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"Maybe. If they can access everything from everywhere, they have some system for keeping the good stuff." And maybe it's colored by the hard time she had before coming here, but mindless action movies that make you laugh are certainly good stuff.
"Do you think they can get very specific things? Like," she pauses, as if considering, even though she knows exactly what she wants to say, "a picture?" She's trying hard to be casual here, not delve too far into the maudlin, since she's not entirely sure she's ready for that anyway. But just... in case.
no subject
Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing, if they could turn something up. A quiet, normal evening together, companionable and uncomplicated. Potentially. He’s not discounting the idea of complicating things, after all-- just at maybe a less frantic pace. Since he first saw her out there, flower in her hair, Daryl’s only been worried about Carol’s comfort level; he’s at least as anxious about scaring her off as she is of pushing too far with him, though he’s totally oblivious to the fact that she thinks he might bolt. If they never go any farther than this, he’ll be fine. But that doesn’t mean (he thinks) that he doesn’t want to. That he wouldn’t want to if she did. There’s more to living than survival. There’s room, here, there’s time.
He looks up at her, considering the question, so carefully vague. It’s always easier, not talking about things. They so rarely need to. His expression is soft, thinking (as he assumes she is) of Sophia.
“Don’t see why not,” he affirms. “Can’t hurt, askin’.”
no subject
Daryl's expression pulls her out of that unpleasant reverie and she smiles at him, both reassurance and gratitude. Daryl barely knew Sophia yet he worked harder to find her than anyone else, and did more to bring Carol back from the brink of giving up. She never did figure out exactly why, but it doesn't especially matter. He did so much -- does so much -- to make her okay when by all rights she shouldn't be, that's what's important.
"I'll think about it." She will. Just not right now. "Do you know what you're asking for next time?"
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Truth is he's always been half amazed that she never hated him for not doing enough, because a good man wouldn't have stood by and let that go on so long. Rick wouldn't have. Even Shane had beat Ed down, once, right before they had to run. He'd heard about it, seen the bruises on what was left of his face. Daryl had been... An outsider, a bystander. Uninvolved 'cos he and Merle weren't sticking around. He's not proud of that, of who he used to be, the things he used to believe. Carol was the first one to tell him he was a good man, and she'd said it enough to make him believe it, to work for it. Keeping her together kept him too busy to fall apart. Losing Sophia had been hard on him, too; not because he'd known her, but because of everything she represented, all the mistakes he couldn't fix.
Pictures sound nice, he thinks, for her sake, but he's not going to push the topic. He doesn't want to make her dwell more than she is.
"Mnn," he shakes his head. "Try to see what we need, when it happens."
no subject
By the same token, Carol never expected anyone to save her from Ed, or blamed anyone for failing to. She could have done it herself, she knows that now; her life was threatened every day before the dead rose if not in exactly the same ways as after. It's not that she used to be weak, it's that she used to be afraid. That's part of why she is hesitant, still, to ask for Sophia's picture.
What Daryl did, and she wonders if she could ever articulate it properly, has nothing to do with whether he succeeded or failed in bringing Sophia home safe and everything to do with the hope he offered. While everyone else was either politely ignoring Carol's breakdown or actively lobbying to consider Sophia a lost cause, Daryl bothered to bring her a flower and a story. Two small things, seemingly meaningless when you look only at the outcome, but at the time it kept her going one more day. That was everything, because when the dust settled and there was no more Sophia to search for, it was knowing that there was still someone in the world to give a damn about (because he gave a damn about her on some level) that kept her wanting to bother at all. Rick searched and Shane beat up Ed and Lori tried in her way, but none of them came to Carol and tried to tell her it would be okay.
That's why she calls him a good man, always will. And here he is doing it again, thinking of everyone as a whole and what they need when he could be thinking about frivolous things like movies.
"The group is lucky to have you." She gently squeezes his shoulder. "I'm lucky to have you."
no subject
"You keep me going," he mutters. Both the group and her, herself. It's a hard fact, it doesn't sound like he's gone soft 'til it's already out of his mouth, too late to take back if he wanted to.
Besides, it's not so magnanimous as that; he just wants very little for himself. The habit of not owning more than he can carry, not trusting any place to be safe, means he can't put much stock in stuff, frivolous or otherwise. Given the chance to think it through, he'd rather something for everyone. If that's part of what makes him a good man... all the better. He's never quite convinced it's true, but he's better every day than he used to be. That's enough. Something worth being proud of. She's been a big part of that; they all have. He's not kidding; without his people, he'd have no reason to carry on. Carol was the first real tie he had to them, the first one he felt responsible to, more than just an owed debt.
But, then, who knows what he'll say in the moment, asked what he wants?
Wants are difficult. Needs are easy; easy to establish, which makes them easier to meet. Goals to work toward. Wanting, that's nebulous and uncertain. As time goes on, as things stay relatively safe, it gets a little easier to relax, to think past the bare minimums. He's making an effort. (Case in point, right here.)
no subject
She's about to say something to that effect when he murmurs his reply, melting what of her heart he hadn't already. Carol sees that effort. So as a reward she decides not to make him proverbially squirm any further by telling him more about how wonderful he is.
Instead: "It's damn sexy when you say things like that." Because it is, but more because joking with him feels normal and comfortable and like a different way of appreciating his words without being all mushy.
She is well aware this might also embarrass him in a way but his head is in her lap and she sidestepped that one, okay.
no subject
He makes a face at her, a mock-scowl to cover his embarrassment, shifting to stretch out a bit more. He never knows how much of the joke is a joke, never quite knows what reaction she wants from him, but under the circumstances he thinks he gets a little leeway in questionably joking right back.
"Ain't you had enough of that today?" he drawls right back, raising an eyebrow and managing to sound suitably haughty, though decidedly teasing. After all that she doesn't get to flirt with impunity, okay.
no subject
"Now you've done it." She's half chuckling, half mock-scolding. "If I say no, you'll think I'm challenging you. And if I say yes..." she leans over him slightly, failing entirely at being serious, "you'll know I'm full of shit."
Carol playfully flicks his forehead for good measure, and to let him know that there's really no pressure or expectation or even request behind that. Just sitting here is as much as she could ever hope for and it's more than enough.
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If she's full of shit saying nice things about him, he doesn't wanna know, anyway.
He makes a growly noise and swats vaguely at her hand, exactly as non-serious as she is. The point for letting him down gently is long since past, and she's been hanging onto him pretty hard. He doesn't trust easy, but he trusts her enough to think she wouldn't have taken just a joke so far.
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And of a similar vein, she'd never want to let him down, in any way.
Carol starts to say something, but before any bit of it can escape she loses the words in a wide yawn. Who would have thought kitchen duty would make her tired after all the running around and sleepless nights they used to have?
no subject
He's waiting for her standard witty retort (and resigning himself to the fact that she'll probably manage to make him squirm this time, because there's only so much he can manage), but instead he half-smirks at the yawn. Guess he tired her out, huh? (He doesn't say it, but you know, he's thinking it loudly.)
Instead, with a little grunt of effort, he hauls himself upright and sits properly on the couch, in the middle so he's still comfortably close, arms stretched along the back of it. Seems fair not to keep her pinned, if she's tired, if she's hit her limit on dealing with this. But he's still not running off.
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"I feel like I haven't slept in years." Maybe she hasn't, between Ed's temper and raising a child and then the walkers, culminating in everything that happened since sickness broke out in the prison and then finding herself here and forced to explain it all.
Carol glances up at his face, tentative for the first time. "You mind?"
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Offering up an escape route doesn't mean he wants her to take it, just that he wants her to have it.
And it's nice, yeah. He shifts just a bit, to throw his arm over her shoulder, settling into his spot since she looks like she plans to be there a while. Which is also nice, come to think of it. For all he cares if anyone comes in and finds them dozing in a heap, it doesn't matter one bit. That she's comfortable enough to let her guard down, that means something, he thinks something good.
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Carol shifts against him to get comfortable, cheek nestling in. "Don't eat all the cookies," she says, a drowsy afterthought. She doesn't so much care if he did, but she felt like she should say something, and any more tiptoeing around the obvious topic is too much a tightrope walk for her tired mind.
no subject
He doesn't answer, just leans his cheek against her forehead. Yeah, okay. They've had worse days than this.